A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
