is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
