You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
