Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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