OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
