He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
