I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
