census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
