I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
