yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wish my penis had a tongue
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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