We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
