Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
