The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Boobs are out for the taking
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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