gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
