girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Terrible idea I love it
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
