I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
