Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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