I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
