My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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