All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
