mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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