If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm bleeding and have questions
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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