I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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