The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I love having hate sex.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
