i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
