can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
third nipple confirmed
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
