remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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