You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
