I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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