how do flat chested girls get laid?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
