We're facebook friends in real life
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
