All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
