I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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