I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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