I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
