He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Shame - the story of my life.
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