big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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