THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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