I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
