My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
