Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
