I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
