My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
