The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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