her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
