we're blogging at a bar
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
