It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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