So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
