I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
