so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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