i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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