Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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