i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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