my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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