i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
