Umm I'm too high to move.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
