Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
why do cheetos always look like penises
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
