my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just threw up on my dentist
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
