my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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