I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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