I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he was CRYING into my vagina
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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