direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
