She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
