We're facebook friends in real life
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
