Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
