this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
