When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
