I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
