I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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