Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
