I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Moan for me like Helen Keller
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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